After all the years that I have lived one line has never failed me. When I am in any trouble whatsoever it is always the same, not "I am drunk but I was drunk"!
The next time you are stopped by the constabulary and are asked whether you know why simply say 'I was drunk.' It works the best when one hasn't had a drop, which is not the case tonight.
Drunk or no, the Stormers can beat the Brumbies 27-23 and the Crusaders will pummel the Sharks 50-21.
If those results do not occur as I have predicted, I have one line for all of you and that is "I was drunk" and it is so.
I must wait exactly 19 minutes for the Crusaders, a team that I despise because the players are so good and the organization is equally bad. I hope the fanatics stay away the whole season and watch from anywhere they can be drunk.

I don't care too much now for the Magner's and the Guinness premiertship because, as you all know, it will boil down to the same old teams....always does always will.
A long time ago when the Boers first infiltrated bigtime the Sracens I said they were the team to beat. Still do. Of course, the Leicester Tigers and probably Wasps but I am still going to ride out London Irish.

If you think that there is any conclusive evidence after two matches in the S14 I suggest you down a few, quite a few , pint of plain.
It's frigging impossible to determine who is going to win the competition but the teams to beat are all Kiwis from jump street and I include the Highlanders in the equation.
The Reds are a bit like the Gwent Dragons; they can't hold on and the two big Aussie sides, the Brumbies and Tahs, are in some desperate need of a tune up, at least by the seventh match if they hope to contend.
As fopr the South Africans, well, I suppose the tean to beat is the Bulls but I think the Cheetahs and the Stormers may well be the surprises. Forget about the Lions and keep your eyes on the Sharks. The Sharks are the Toulon of the S14 and all you have to do is look at Racing Metro, Stade Francais and Toulon in the T14 to see that money , while most handy, in the hands of the ignorant is a Xmas gift waiting to be opened.
There are those, like my wife , who say that money can't buy everything. I always stop her mid -sentence and demand that "please allow me to find that out for myself."
I wish I wqere doling out the contracts. So far the moves of Goode and Cipriani are bigger payoffs than Sonny Bill Williams and Mark Gasnier.
Oh yea. count me out of the Craig Gower Hall of Fame. I think Nick Mallett misappropriated him for the Azzurri in the 6N.
I'm all over the place today after just marrying off a daughter yesterday. And I am broke too. I now have to be careful with my money. The function depleted my war chest. Why is everybody drinking wine and the spirits? What happened to a pint of plain?

Before Toto had time to get back to the nymphomaniac Dorothy(Rob Andrew), she had already picked up two strange and mangy dogs by the name of Froto (Clive Woodward) and Bambi(Andy Robinson) and allowed them to hump her repeatedly, and with vigor, considering the ambiguous sexuality of all three.

Discarding the facts that the Wallabies were saving themselves for a showdown with the All Blacks, The Cowardly Lion went back to The Lost Cause Inn and ordered champagne for everybody.

  

When we last left the rugby congress in Oz, Dorothy (Rob Andrew) was drooling over the yodelling rugby guide Hal who was consuming vast amounts of beer at her expense at The Hotel California and ignoring The Cowardly Lion (Pieter de Villiers) who was trying to explain rugby to the seemingly spellbound Hal.
Toto (Martin Johnson) was still pissing on The Tinman (Graham Henry) and The Scarecrow(Robbie Deans) was deviously pretending to drink shots of vodka(water) whilst eavesdropping on the conversation of The Cowardly Lion and the yokel Hal.
Unfortunately the Lion was as stupid as he was courageous and that made for a tragic character.
But back to the big picture.

If England has its Olde Farts, then the USA has its Mickey Mouse Club.

The original Blunderbore, nor Blunderboer, was a famous rugby nursery -tale. We'll have to imagine the tale in today's scheme of things.
I'll retell the children's tale from my manly perspective.