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rugbycan.com The ART of RUGBY
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Saturday, July 04 2009 @ 09:10 AM MST
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Thank You

RUGBY StoriesThank you, Bokkies, for making me seem like an Einstein in predicting the demise of the , not only poor Bok second side, but a poor Bokkies elite fifteen.
It was a greimacing victory as I held on shouting at the telly because the Lions should have had two more legitimate trys.
I want to to take this opportunity to thank Stephen Jones, in particular, and trhe Lions for fronting up and the entire Bok team and management for once again getting caught with their pants down.
I will be pleased to see Pistol Pieter de Villers walking naked into the Lions dressing room and kissing Ian McGeechan's weathered arse.
Have a field day with him, media.
I can hardly wait to hear his excuse from somewhere in the rugby ozone.
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The Critical Matchup

RUGBY StoriesThe critical matchup and hopefully the winning matchup for me is between Stephen Jones of Wales and the British and Irish Lions and Morne Steyn of the Blue Bulls and the South African Springboks.
Steyn has the bigtime advantages asccording to everybody else's rugby gospel.
He has the obvious maturity and class as a member of the S14 Championship team.
He enjoys the luxury of playing the sandwich between two Bulls, DuPreez at halfback and Olivier at the centre.
The Springboks command the home pitch advantage.
This massive advantage cannot be overlooked.
I am well aware of it.
What I see is this.
Steyn doesn't really know how to play going backwards in the set pieces and the beakdown.
I am counting on that surpise.
On the other hand, bigtime , is my notion that "Steady Eddie" Jones will finally deliver the whole package.
He has had all the comforts of Welsh wins the past years and the disppointments as well.
Jones has always been seen as the fellow who shuns the limelight.
He has the dream opportunity to put him in the class of Barry Johns and Phil Bennett.
I believe he has this ability and tomorrow is his day.
He has the slow but accurate pass of his Welsh comarde Mike Phillips.
Jones has already show the ability to put a backline in motion.
He can vary his attack but usually doesn't because the midfields are usually worthy of his unselfishness.
Jones can run. He moves with the flow which gives him second and third phase placement.
He is an excellent tackler.
He can but doesn't often enough utilize his chips and pops.
His Garreyowens will put the pressure on the Boks back three.
To make a long story very short, Stephen Jones has the ability, the experience, and the formidable capability of winning this test for the Lions. I am counting on an awesome day from Jones.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
P.S. I have considered that Flutey and Bowe are his dance partners.
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I Stand Alone

RUGBY StoriesI'm more than happy to swim adrift from the rest of the pack in my rugby observations. It would seem to me that this time in this test there is more than a thirty point difference in my take and others throughout the word.
Is there not anybody in the world who actually believes the Lions can and will win by 16 points.
I guess not.
Just how did I get to this point?
First and formeost the fact that the BOKS are NOT the great team the rugby world believes them to be and that PdV may be a token coach, he is still a horrible public relations man. He does nothing but ridicule the transformation dream in the land of rainbows.
The behind-the-scenes rugby constabulary in South Africa love him becvause they have not had to relinquish any political power so long as that boob remains in the public eye.
It is a win win situation for the antagonists of Dan "Cheeky" Watson and his band of brothers.
But surely and eventually the facade must take its toll on the players.
It is akin to an isolation in whiuch they already have a feel for.
The British press have tried to fuel this Afrikaans bond with no success.
I must say that it is the wrong approach.
What approach should they have utilized?
The approach that the BOKS simply are not a great team. They have to be a team. They must have this coach. They are in survival mode.
The Lions are simply man on man at least par on course with the Boks although individually I might lean to the Boks. It is in the touch transformation players that the BOKS are the weakest.
Why is it that players of colour are always shifted to the wing?
I suppose it is the old theorem that whit men can't jump or run fast.
So long asthat notion plays itself out, not only in South Africa, but other rugby countries, total assimilation will rfemain a hushed up topic.
I dilate.
I must say I am confused by the massive change in the BOKS lineup.
I must say that I admire the fact that the Lions have opted for a massive change too.
Is it too late?
That is the ultimate question. In my arguably unerring scientific observations, it may be too late to win a series but it is not too late to steal a match.
Passion and humiliation plus a surprise performance by a couple of the LIons should be enough to spoil PdV's celebration.
This is my story and I am sticking to it, win or lose.


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Why the Boks Must Lose

RUGBY StoriesLet's simply take the Boks apart pillar by pillar.
Please note that I think the Springboks have been overated since they accidentally won the pathetic 2007 Rugby World Cup.
The front row:
Smit is a great leader but a joke as a tighthead.
Chilliboy is a shadow of some inferior player.
The Beast is all hope and hype.
The Second Row
Matfield is almost played out.
Muller is a joke even when he was Springbok Captain.
The Third Line
Broussow dangerous when not under any pressure.
Smith is a hard worker, that's about it.
Kankowski is about as dependable as Chilliboy.
Halfbacks
Fourie du Preez is dangerous when healthy. He has a bad shoulder.
Morne Steyn can't go forward when the scrum is under pressure.
Midfield
Wynand Olivier is in form but PdV ruined his form by not playing him in the first two tests.
Jaque Fourie is injury prone and will be hesitant when he sees the big guys going backward.
The Back Three
Ndungane, Nokwe, and Kirchner are low level test players with little experience and know how. Speed does indeed kill but not if the ball is invisible.

REMEMBER that PdV committed this very sin in the first test when he thought the cat was in the bag. He has fielded a know nothing team that cannot reap any awards in the future. Steyn, Olivier,Kirchner, DuPreez, Broussow, Matfield, Fourie, & possibly one other have real potential. The others are stragglers.
This is the test that will finally seal the fate of John Smit the Pretender. Sheridan will scrummage the man into fine powder.
The Boks will miss his leadership but Big Vic is to be the next victim of foul play.

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Thou Improper, Thou Uncommon Noun by Etymologist Karl Miffentoff

RUGBY StoriesWhen I bet it often a result of something strange like seeing a Lions jersey, not a rugby jersey, in a thrift store or coming across an interesting word that will somehow push me in the direction of a toss.
We all know that I punt and punt big on this blog.
I am punting because of the former and the latter.
From an etymology of words that once were names I went directly to the word Maffick.
On May 17,1900, the British finally raised the seige of Mafeking in South Africa, beset by the Boers since October 12, 1899. The deliverance was wildly celebrated in England, and maffick came to mean "to celebrate with boisterous rejoicings or hilarious behavior." The English author Saki wrote,"Mother,may I go and maffick,/ Tear around and hinder traffic?" Maffick is not much used nowadays, perhaps because we have little to mafdfick about.
I hope the Lions allow me and whence they come to drink, be merry, and MAFFICK.
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If theLions Can't Beat These Boks, Well...

RUGBY StoriesThe test selections of the Boks has gone from bad to worse and the Lions have gone from worse to better.
A very poor Springbok side and an above average Lions side.
The Boks will need every bit of that home pitch advantage as well as the homesickness of the Lions.
I'd be drooling if I were The Geech but I thinlk he drools without thinking these days. Well....he would have drooled hearing the a very experimental halfback, midfield and back three combination.
I would have selected DOC to encourage POC but I am well satisfied that Simon Shaw can one last time prove he is the man. If only POC couild pick up his game.
Monye is an excellent choice as is Shane Williams because if I play the ball out in my mind correctly, the Lions pack, yes, I am well aware Vickery is in, but that doesn't worry me in the slightest. As the coach of Spain said when the USA beat them in the Confederation Cup, the test result was an"accident."
I have the same sentiments.
I would havew preferred Andy Powell at eight because Heaslip has done absolutely nothing but I'll take Worsley and Williams in heartbeat over Wallace and Croft(Croft di well but the Lions need the experience and grunt of Worsley and Wallace didn't impress).
I think I may have gone with Harry Ellis as he is a bit cagier and quicker than the beefier but predictable Mike Phillips. I am not complaining.
I guess my biggest disappointment is the absolute dropping of Lee Mears. I would have utilized him as a Henrick Brussow type terrier but I suppose if the hooker can't throw the ball in straight, I guess I will settle for Rees and Ford on the wood.
The bench is cool so I am fine with the wood burners too, especially Croft and Hook and Ellis.
I expect a huge match out of Worsley and Williams and that pressure and experience will diminish the play of Broussow and release Monye once again.
I'll get to the BOKS later tonight.
I absolutely expect the LIons to crush the Boks by , don't faint, 16 points.
Settled?
Lions31 Boks 15
PdV will have to bravely enter the dressing room of the Lions with that big, bushy tail tucked well up his arse.
Dick Muir will be nowhere in sight. He'll be hiding with KEO, Percy and Gold.
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Heroes

RUGBY StoriesThe word hero and heroic keep popping up in articles written about the British Lions. I disagree.
Hero was this Greek guy who drowned visiting his lover Leander. It is true that one can be heroic in losing. Winning isn't the only criterion in making a hero.
But although the effort of the Lions may have been in vain, I agree that both tests have been heroic in that aspect.
No players on either side qualify as heroes.
In my mind's eye, to become a hero one muct be involved in some elevated event. The Lions tour of 2009 to South Africa is not such an event of elevated status. It is a contest between a country that is the "world champion" in name only. The Springboks are not now the best team in the world. Far from it.
The Lions are the alleged best players from the England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales thrown together in a whiff and expected, I suppose, to, as a compilation of excellent players, beat the Springboks. They almost did.
Problem is the Lions players are not the best players.
So?
This is a contest of two second class teams. The lack of an paying audience in South Africa probably confirms that statement.
In reality, this confrontation is not the stuff to make heroes.
The elevated notion of quality versus quality is flase. Therefore the notion that any heroes are created is pure illusion.
What we get in this test series is a valiant effort by two teams.
No heroes. Nothing heroic.
That's my take and I am sticking to it.

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One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

RUGBY StoriesIt's been a crazy couple of weeks let me tell you, Chief.
Where to begin?
Okay.
Nick Mallett tells the world that Italy doesn't have the depth to tour this year.
Marc Lievremont tells the world that France can't send a full strength team down South.
The Lions build up a head of stem in their own mind as they crush the Lions and the Sharks. Nothing is said about the Royal 15, the Cheetahs, the Southern Kings, and Western Province. Madness. Madness.
While Pistol Piet is spinning his own state of affairs, the Lions management is sitting around planning the first test caper laughing and telling jokes, giggling like a bunch of school girls. In their craziness they make the wrong decisions.
So does Pistol Piet.
Nathan Hines is incarcerated for some minor infraction.
Mattieu Bastardeau tells the whole world he is beaten to a pulp in New Zealand only to change his story a few days later.
It now seems the entire French side with more than half the All Blacks kicked the shit out of him.
He is hospitalized for multiple fractures and after confessing that it was all a hoax is voluntarily admitted to nearest mental facility, forcibly by seven of his own team mates.
After many phases of what the fuck happened in the first test, the Lions lose the next match and the series.
The names of McGeechan, Edwards, Howley and Gatland are never mentioned.
Schalk Burger is accused and convicted of pulling both of Luke Fitzgerald's eyes out and explaining that he thought Luke was Oedipus.
BOD calls Pistol Piet and Schalk Burger motherfuckers when he is back at home.
It was the smartest move he ever made.
BOD confuses Schalk Burger for Referee Berdos and Pistol Piet for Touch Judge Lawrence.
POC complains that he is homesick.
Ian McGeechan arrives in South Africa for the third test after being made an offer by a South African S14 team.
Lote Tuquiri visits Mattieu Bastaread in the looney bin and is sacked by the Australia Rugby Union.
Lote Tuquiri accuses John O'Neill of being homosexual.
He too voluntarily enters a rehab clinic.
Ian McGeechan realizes that the Lions have lost the two tests.
He returns to Scotland in search of a job.
Graham Rowntree is awarded the 09 tour's best ears award.
He is unable to hear or accept the award because he is busy taking the blame for the first two losses to the Springboks.
Mattieu Bastareaud informs the rugby world that his father is Pistol Piet de Villiers.
He also confesses that Lote Tuquiri is his mother.
He is involuntarily remanded to the custody of the psychiatric ward.
Schalk Burger is selected to play for the Lions by Ian McGeechan.
And on and on and on.
Jack Kerouac is selected to receive his debut cap for the Lions.
Neal Cassidy is selected for the Boks.
South Africa flies the rainbow flag in the third test only to realize that all the tickets sold are to men, one transvestite and thirteen transexuals.
SARFU accepts that as a complete transformation.
Rob Andrew also flys in to attend the third test.
Martin Johnson remains at home to see if his wife can have another baby before he is accused of being Pistol Piet de Villiers' father.
Ian McGeechan selects Ricky Januarie at scrumhalf.
The entire Lions entourage enters the same mental facilty as Bastaread and Tuquiri.
The Boks all sign contracts to play for Saracens.
Pistol Piet de Villiers claims that he is Irish.
The Chief throws a sink through a window and escapes the mental facility.
The madness temporarily ends.
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Rugby Blurbs

RUGBY Stories1. Lote Tuquiri,Australian, Fijian, Leaguer, has been sacked by the ARU. Reasons behind the sacking have not been released.
2. Chilliboy Ralapelle is likely to start at hooker for the Boks against the Lions. That would mean somebody else of colour(Jacobs) might drop.
3. Pieter de Villiers cleared by SARFU.
4. BOD condems behavior of Pieter de Villiers.
5. All Black Ali Williams out of 3N with achilles surgery.
6. Rugby World Cup touts England 2015 and Japan 2019.
7. Tokyo to hold Bledisoe Cup final.

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Lynch the SOB by the Right Honorable Karl Miffentoff

RUGBY StoriesPistol Piet de Villiers, the unusal one, the coach of the South African Springboks, would appear by all acoounts to be the least popular man on the face of the earth.
No doubt the man is colourful.
No doubt he appears the clown.
No doubt that he may be the Bokkie coach in name only.
But nobody needs to be this abused in the media, especially the British media, day in day out.
KEO's website ought to put a zipper on its stream.
Let's get the facts straight.
It would appear that Pistol Piet de Villiers foirst came under attack day one.
I must admit I never thought he was the actual coach of the Boks and have criticized him myself.
I don't now feel sorry for him.
He isn't going anywhere because he is a coach of colour in a black and white rugby world in South Africa.
He rarely says the right thing. More often he says quite the opposite.
Who bloody cares?
I do for one
The international press took what he said, in a ,manner of speaking, completely the wrong way.
Of couse Pistol Piet didn't help matters.
The eye gouging incident of Schalk Burger is like the BOD spearing incident of four years ago.
In both cases I have seen the replays many times and fell the same way as the defenders.
Schalk Burger deserves his time in the rugby penetentiary because his hands did make contact for some time on Luke Fitzgerald's face.
But actually grapping somebody's face without deliberate intent is not deserving of this inquisition of Burger and Pistol Piet.
Pistol Piet saw it the way I did.
He just could not articulate it.
So let's just kill the bastard. Lynch him from the nearest girder.
I haven't changed my mind about Pistol Piet de Villiers.
I have revised it.
The British and Irish press is repulsive.
They are too pussyish, just like the team, to attack the real culprit, the institution of South African rugby.
I love Pistol Piet and so should the South Africans.
He takes all the heat off the team and the smug South African rugby culture and tradition, which doesn't wwant to change anytime soon.
It's more difficult for a team to play well when they themselves are scrutinized like an atomic molecule.
Remenber the heat of Umaga and Mealamu in New Zealand.
It was inflammatory.
This criticism is childish, vengeful, wrong, ignorant, arrogant, etc.
What the Paper Lions don't realize is that Pistol Piet had deflected a lot of ink from them personally.
He has given these mean rugby journalists the opportunity to focus on him and not them.
They have only helped the cause of the Springboks on this tour of the LIons going into the last test.
Yesterday I thought maybe the Lions could pull this last test out.
It is all more clear to me now.
Now that BOD (he is the world's worst whinger)has opened his big mouth in an attack on Pistol Piet, I think the tide has turned once again IMHO to the Boks.
While it is still true that the rugby world listens too attentively to the British and Irish journos, the time will come and soon I hope when they are simply redundant. One can only open fire so many times.
If they keep this rubbish up, they will only do more harm to any tour of South Africa.
They are spoiling the parade because, once again, it rained on them and their precious Paper Lions.
This is why I love Pistol Piet de Villiers.
I really DO hope he doesn't care what these miscreants write and say like he says!
Pistol Piet de Villiers has thrown all the Afrikaans Boks a life jacket.
I don't care if he is or isn't the "real" coach of the BOKS, as I have suggested too.
He is in the kitchen where the heat is.
Unlike those bastards who are outside getting their arses served.